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Thursday, March 08, 2007

overindulgence is not love

more from the o:
spoiling & overindulging your children is bad, and you are ruining their lives

reasons we give in:
  1. exhaustion - parenting is a second job, we are already physically drained
  2. guilt - when you know you're not giving your child time & attention, then you substitute things etc.
  3. history - we are becoming a loveless society, we have increasingly loveless backgrounds, parents are seeking acceptance with children that they didn't receive in their own broken childhood or past relationships

don't argue in front of children
children should not see this pain
we need a code word to delay a conversation or argument

you cannot be your child's best friend
you are not doing them a service, it is a disservice
this is a common mistake

discipline is a form of love
saying no is a form of love, just as saying yes is a form of compassion
if you don't say no, you hate your child
you will develop contempt for your child

there are 2 sides of love:
  1. the right hand of love is the generous side, it's giving and embracing
  2. the left hand is severe, it's stern, firm & provides safety, discipline and respect

when you spoil your children then you are preventing their happiness
happiness comes from a sense of fulfillment and purposeness that you are a good person
when you give in to your children
they no longer have boundaries, they don't think of others' feelings, everything is mine
they can have no real joy from their achievements
they can take no pleasure from their relationships

children are becoming young cynical adults too quickly
children need their parents and need to trust them

anger is borne from a sense of injustice
kids are in tune to the injustice of neglect

build trust with your family by doing activities together

watch "shalom in the home" on TLC - Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
his book is "parenting with fire"

dependency cannot breed happiness
dependency can only breed shame

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