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Monday, May 29, 2006

X-Men 3 is not better after a second viewing, even with beer.

The X-Men franchise is barely on life-support after the third and supposedly final installment; so, let’s recap, shall we:

Scott: dead.

Charles Xavier: dead. or is he. (wait for it)

Jean, er Dark Phoenix: dead.

Callisto: dead.

Psylocke(?!? didn't know it was her): dead.

Arclight: dead.

Kid Omega, er Quill, er Spike, ok whatevs: dead.

Practically every other evil mutant you see in the previews: dead.

Madrox the Multiple Man: captured. human?

Rogue: human.

Magneto: human. maybe.

Mystique: human.

Storm: now an overused lame monologuing Academy Award winning actress.

Logan: whipped, kicked, thumped, walloped, tossed, scratched, thrown, punched, eviscerated, burned, stabbed, beaten, and still standing by his (natch, Scott's) girl - bravo.

Juggernaut: vs. Wolverine: 2-0. / vs. Kitty: 0-1. wow.

Colossus: speechless.

Pyro: frozen.

Bobby: wimp.

Warren: prep.

Beast: so 'flicked.

Kitty: scene-stealer.

Trask: under-developed.

Moira MacTaggert: uncredited. (see Prof X above)

Nightcrawler: MIA.

President what's his name: spine-less flip-flopper.

Leech: worst. plot. ever.

CGI: from so-so to horrible.

Director: unworthy.

so, do yourself a favor Bub. go read about the real Uncanny X-Men. they are always misunderstood. feared. misrepresented. mistreated. but that's ok. they are legends.

and please don't let Superman Returns suck this bad.

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